Saturday, May 13, 2017

Using the Correct Term




                                                           Suicide Term



     Most people who have lost a loved one by suicide are very passionate about using a term that does not stigmatize their loved one.  It is not uncommon to hear in a news report someone use the term "committed suicide."
    My husband and I facilitate a support group for people who have lost love ones by suicide.  Hearing the word "commit" brings out all kinds of negative connotations.  It is used to commit murder, commit robbery, commit adultery or other kinds of wrong doing that signify a crime.  It even goes back to the times when people were committed to asylums.
     Recently an article by Glenn E. Rice had the headline "Man who killed estranged wife commits suicide."
     A person who attempts or dies by suicide is in deep pain and hopelessness and is experiencing mental illness. This does not signify he or she is a criminal.
    Please use the correct term and understand the importance of language. If you had lost a loved one
to suicide, you would want his or her death treated with respect.  Wouldn't you?

   



Dear Loved Ones,
     Another Mother’s Day and soon it will be Father’s Day that I am not here with all of you. I want you to know I love all of you so very much but I was unable to stay.  I tried hard to be the person who could just let things not bother me and I did so for longer than you know.  I smiled and I laughed at all the things I was supposed to and I even convinced myself that because I was loved so much I could stay. I knew you would be devastated and sad about my leaving but the darkness, despair, and black hole I felt kept pushing me to find peace.
     I know you would have done anything in your power to make life easier for me.  But it wasn’t about you it was about me. I could have gone to another doctor and gotten more medication prescribed and if you remember I did do that many times. For a bit, the medication seemed to work but my mind was so cloudy that I couldn’t even think or process my thoughts.  So, I had to stop and think about whether this was fair to put my family through all this again. 
    Please believe me when I say, this decision was not an easy one nor did I treat it as such.  To never hear your voices again, be a part of a family, enjoy all the holidays, see others in our family get married and have children brought me to question was I doing the right thing? Would I ever be forgiven for my action?
     I know that I caused a lot of worry, anguish, sadness, and caused a great deal of heartache.  If I could take any of my actions back I would. I hope you will remember all the times we did things together and the fun we had.  I will never forget the smiles we had for one another. Some of those crazy things we did that kept us giggling and laughing endlessly.
     However, I want you to know that I could never find peace and contentment in my earthly life.  I could never say the many things I wanted and felt that I let you down so many times even though you told me that it wasn’t so.
    So, I made the decision to go.  Do not cry and be sad that I have left. Please remember all the wonderful things we did and the joy we had in one another.  I am at peace and have found contentment.  When you see a bird, feel the sunshine on your skin, hear the wind rustling through the trees, read a book, listen to music, and enjoy life remember that I am doing that too.  I am just not where you are.  You can serve me well by being kind to each other and loving unconditionally. I am a better person for having you in my life.  May you feel the same way about me.
     As I say goodbye to you now, please enjoy life and all it has to offer. I can see you, I can feel you, and I will always love you.
    
     Yours forever,
     Me

     

Sunday, January 22, 2017


                                                    A New Year and New Changes

     Happy 2017 to everyone!!  Whether you are a Democrate, Republican, on no party person at all, we know there will be change!  As we are well aware, change is hard and often times difficult!
     Since losing your loved one many changes have taken place in you.  Perhaps, you are more serious than you were before.  Maybe laughter does not come as easy as it did.  Your diet may have changed and you are eating things that may not be good for you or not eating at all. You may have a hard time saying goodby to people you love, for you have that constant worry you may never see them again. Feeling this way is normal and you are forever changed.  Change is not all bad and maybe you were quite happy the way things were before. However, change has made it way in your life and that is a hard fact for some.
     When I think back to whom I was before the death of our son, I don't recognize that person any more.  I took too many things for granted.  It's almost like I felt entitled to things.  I didn't take my family and friends as serious as I do now. I am much more appreciative of the things people do for me and in turn want to give back.
      Religion was something I turned away from.  I thought how could there be a God if he let our son take his own life. Since time has its own way of allowing us to understand or at least know there are somethings we may never understand I have returned to my faith. I will never understand why babies die or children get horrible diseases but they do.  Another thing I have always questioned is why some suffer with illnesses for a long time. There must be a reason even if it is unknown to me.
      We will never know why our loved one choose to take his or her life.  It has changed you and every relationship you have or had.  Unfortunately, we cannot turn the hands of time back but move forward.  Granted it's not easy...but things aren't.
       I wish you a good year and hope that you find some peace in knowing your loved one has found his or hers.  We only get one chance at life and I hope you will make it a good one.  Yes, you can grieve, you can scream, say things you don't really mean, be hateful to others, but at the end of the day when the sky has turned dark your being doesn't have to be dark too.
      It's not  easy to look forward to a new day and I hope that time, love. and patience will show you the way.
     

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