Can Love Be Yours Again?
By Bonnie Swade
Spring is in the air and love is
blooming. Our pond has Mr. Frog who at
night sits on his rock and croaks for his mate.
The flowers are emerging from the ground and all things are in “bloom
mode” except for a suicide survivor.
Often times the feelings are I am unlovable and not worthy of love. It
could be too that because we have experienced such a loss it may feel like
betrayal. A wife or husband feels
cheated because all the future plans they made are now lost. The loss of a child carries all the feelings
of missed occasions such as not walking a son or daughter down the aisle, not
seeing a graduation, never holding a grandchild of his or hers. Losing a parent
to suicide leaves many unanswered questions such as “Why didn’t I know my mom
or dad was feeling that way?” Anger comes because of missed family times and
financial chaos to go through. A sister
or brother feels the loss in a totally different way. The loss of a sibling
brings about all kinds of memories from childhood. Losing a close friend too leaves feelings of
guilt. Why didn’t I know? What could I have done? No matter the relationship of
the person you lost by suicide, the feelings of despair and moving through life
without that person seem unbearable.
After the loss of a loved one, many
emotions emerge. One of the stronger emotions may be I am not worthy to give or
receive love. To compensate some survivors find comfort in overeating,
overdrinking, doing anything to excess to dull the pain. Others may go in the opposite direction and
stop eating, taking care of themselves, overmedicating, and isolating
themselves from others. They feel a
sense of guilt and shame and do not feel they have the right to ask others who
love them for help. So, our feelings stay bottled inside and our relationships
with others deteriorates. We no longer
feel we have the right to have a life when our loved one is gone.
We do have the right to love and be
loved. That is what separates humankind
from other species. Yes, we do feel life
is over and we cannot love again.
However, we cannot take on the actions or feelings of our loved ones. Just like the flowers that wilt and die when
the season is over, they break through the earth every spring and seek warmth
from the sun. Allow yourself to grieve,
as we each have our own timeline. Seek the life you deserve and emerge from the
darkness. Bring sunlight to your soul once more and thrive in your new you and
love will follow.
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