Iris Bolton said in her book that there is a gift in a suicide. I wondered what she meant by that as I read it when Brett first died. I thought to myself, "Is this lady for real" and what can possibly be a gift in his DEATH.
Believe when I say that one has to look for the gift! Now that we are twelve years out from his death, I can look back and say that he is at peace and maybe that is his gift. Maybe I can say that we understand better where he was coming from and the turmoil of pain he endured had to be overwhelming. Maybe I can say that God had a hand in his decision. Maybe I can say, that helping others deal with a loss is a gift he gave to us. Maybe I can say he lived life on his own terms and died on his terms.
I know he took a piece of my heart when he made his decision and that life for us has changed. I value family time more, phone calls from friends are more important, and helping others deal with their loss. I'm not the same person and I would hope better.
There are however, those days that something or someone says something that reminds me of you. I may see a profile of a young man whose resemblance is you. When I see Moms with their little ones I am reminded of those special times.
As a result, each and every day I can make your death a gift to others by
- Remembering to tell people what they mean to me
- Enjoying life each day
- Helping others
- Loving others
- Not staying in feelings of regret
- Taking steps to embrace new things
- Accepting differences
- Not dwelling on feelings of sadness
And sharing pieces of me to bring peace to others
And I promise that I will for the rest of my life.
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