Monday, July 25, 2016

Summertime 2016



                                                                Summertime 2016

      The days are longer, the kids are out of school, baseball is in season, lemonade stands are in the neighborhoods, and families are enjoying what summer brings. This has been a summer of violence in many countries including ours. The violence pinpoints people of color and many others who are killed by extremist religious groups.
      This summer has political views all over the news. Never before has their been so much political slander on candidates. I am sure this will continue until our next President is elected and who knows even beyond that.  Our country is in a bad state of affairs.       If you have recently lost a loved one by suicide perhaps the news isn't anything you care about and I can understand that. Just getting up and getting through the day is hard enough. For some, it has been awhile since your loved one's death and you are aware of the issues facing our nation.
     When a loved one dies by suicide, we are often times wanting to point a finger at someone or something that caused their death. Perhaps, even the word suicide is hard to handle.  Thinking that someone killed your loved one is easier than knowing he or she died at their own hand. They were their own judge and jury and condemned themselves to death. They didn't need political activists to end their life. They fought their own battles and lost.
     As a survivor you have a responsibility to your loved one as well as yourself.  Do not condemn yourself to a life of bitterness and aloneness.  People need each other and you will find that your life does have meaning.  Perhaps, a different meaning than before and you may have to look for it.  Don't just exist but make your time on earth mean something. Do something to help others. Volunteer your time in some way.  I certainly can't tell you what to volunteer for but I can tell you volunteering has helped me.  I realize that there are a great many people who cannot even leave their homes and to have someone come in and just read to them is a real treat.  Working at a food bank and sorting items can be helpful.  Volunteering time at your religious organization is another way of helping.  There are so many organizations in need of volunteers and would welcome your presence. It does't matter whether you give a day, a week, a month, or longer. What matters most is that you have taken the first step to reach out to someone else.
     With the state of our country, it is necessary we help each other. There is always someone who is much worse off than you. Why not give this a try? I just bet you will feel better.
   
   

Friday, January 1, 2016

A Piece of Peace

A Piece of Peace


   Iris Bolton said in her book that there is a gift in a suicide. I wondered what she meant by that as I read it when Brett first died. I thought to myself, "Is this lady for real" and what can possibly be a gift in his DEATH.

Believe when I say that one has to look for the gift! Now that we are twelve years out from his death, I can look back and say that he is at peace and maybe that is his gift. Maybe I can say that we understand better where he was coming from and the turmoil of pain he endured had to be overwhelming. Maybe I can say that God had a hand in his decision. Maybe I can say, that helping others deal with a loss is a gift he gave to us. Maybe I can say he lived life on his own terms and died on his terms.

I know he took a piece of my heart when he made his decision and that life for us has changed. I value family time more, phone calls from friends are more important, and helping others deal with their loss. I'm not the same person and I would hope better.

There are however, those days that something or someone says something that reminds me of you. I may see a profile of a young man whose resemblance is you. When I see Moms with their little ones I am reminded of those special times.

As a result, each and every day I can make your death a gift to others by


  • Remembering to tell people what they mean to me
  • Enjoying life each day
  • Helping others
  • Loving others
  • Not staying in feelings of regret
  • Taking steps to embrace new things
  • Accepting differences
  • Not dwelling on feelings of sadness


And sharing pieces of me to bring peace to others

And I promise that I will for the rest of my life.


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