Wednesday, October 30, 2019
With all the media posting about teen suicides there are many plays that are dealing with this subject. I have to be honest and say I am not sure exactly where I stand. One part of me says," Good, great, let's keep it up." The other part of me says, "Let's be careful on how we portray the characters, is someone getting the blame, and think about how we leave the audience.
I have seen three plays recently that have dealt with the subject matter of suicide with teens. The first one left the AUDIENCE wondering if there was anymore to the production. The audience just sat there waiting...and waiting... for someone to say something. No one came through the curtains. It was obvious it was over. The audience clapped and left.
The second one was a monologue about a young man who had a bi-polar mother. She attempted suicide several times and finally completed. This production followed him from his boyhood through his adult life and how his mother's death affected him. At the end of the production, there was a panel who answered the audience's questions. I might add the actor who performed was excellent!
The third play a musical. First of all, I wondered how a musical would be performed with the theme of suicide. As a suicide loss survivor, I have a hard time enjoying a play with singing about a topic that still plays havoc with my emotions. Its premise was a high school boy who completed suicide. He had few friends but one young man came forth like he was his friend. The young man who acted that he was a friend got noticed by his peers and life changed for him from being a loner to someone with popularity. He kept this facade going making the parents of the young man feel better about the death of their son. Finally, ridden by guilt of the friendship he came clean dealing with
what he had done and how it affected others. The audience clapped and seemed to enjoy. I wondered to myself how many people in the audience dealt with suicidal ideation, attempt, or loss survivors.
The fourth play is coming out today. I haven't seen it yet but the theatre teacher is having a panel talk on mental health, how to deal with depression, and how the school and parents can together support mental health and open the dialogue.
So, I am glad the subject is being talked about but to leave an audience with no local materials,
organizations to call, suicide hotline number, text number, etc. doesn't feel right to me and most of all not to ask the question. Are you thinking of suicide? Just my thoughts...
Thursday, March 15, 2018
Why Suicide Rates Spike in the Spring
By SASS-MoKAN (Bonnie Swade)
With the sun shining brightly, temperatures starting to warm ,
and the onset of longer days one would think everyone is happy with the promise of new life in the spring. Unfortunately, research shows that suicide rates tend to escalate.
According to an article that appeared in the Mental Health Magazine that is not the case. Some of the reasons are seasonal affective disorder, summertime depression in women related to melatonin production, and social influences.
Seasonal affective disorder is one reason. Even if the temperatures are warming and the days brighter for some that is not enough to lift the blues. Seeing others around having a good time when you aren’t is sad according to Dr. Michael Riba an associate director of the University of Michigan Comprehensive Depression Center.
Summertime depression happens with the onset of spring and there are some theories related to the amounts of melatonin produced in women but doctors are not completely sure of this.
Another reason may be social. This time of the year people go on vacations and some groups disband for the season according to Riba so there may be less structure and support in place. Watching people enjoy the season with their families and friends may cause some jealousy and envy. If one is experiencing challenges and struggles in their life it’s hard to feel happy. Financial concerns or a break up with a significant other may also be a factor.
Given these factors it is not surprising that suicide rates rise.
Suicide rates spike in the spring and to a lesser extent in the fall, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, not around the holidays as everyone suspects. And in fact, suicides in general have increased 24 percent between 1999 and 2014, according to a CDC report released in April. The uptick begins in early April and late May. Why? The seasonal brightness may actually have something to do with that: In a recent op-ed in Harvard professor of psychology Matthew Nock cited a 2014 study published in JAMA Psychiatry that found that as hours of sunlight increased, so did the risk of suicide. "The authors speculate that sunlight could boost energy and motivation, thus giving people who are depressed the ability to take action and make a suicide attempt," he wrote. Some researchers are looking at suicide rates at times of high-pollen counts compared with less pollen, theorizing that the increase might be due to increased anxiety or aggression related to inflammation.
Return to Sass-MoKan.com
Wednesday, December 13, 2017
Saturday, May 13, 2017
Most people who have lost a loved one by suicide are very passionate about using a term that does not stigmatize their loved one. It is not uncommon to hear in a news report someone use the term "committed suicide."
My husband and I facilitate a support group for people who have lost love ones by suicide. Hearing the word "commit" brings out all kinds of negative connotations. It is used to commit murder, commit robbery, commit adultery or other kinds of wrong doing that signify a crime. It even goes back to the times when people were committed to asylums.
Recently an article by Glenn E. Rice had the headline "Man who killed estranged wife commits suicide."
A person who attempts or dies by suicide is in deep pain and hopelessness and is experiencing mental illness. This does not signify he or she is a criminal.
Please use the correct term and understand the importance of language. If you had lost a loved one
to suicide, you would want his or her death treated with respect. Wouldn't you?
Dear Loved Ones,
Another Mother’s Day and soon it will be Father’s Day that I am not here with all of you. I want you to know I love all of you so very much but I was unable to stay. I tried hard to be the person who could just let things not bother me and I did so for longer than you know. I smiled and I laughed at all the things I was supposed to and I even convinced myself that because I was loved so much I could stay. I knew you would be devastated and sad about my leaving but the darkness, despair, and black hole I felt kept pushing me to find peace.
I know you would have done anything in your power to make life easier for me. But it wasn’t about you it was about me. I could have gone to another doctor and gotten more medication prescribed and if you remember I did do that many times. For a bit, the medication seemed to work but my mind was so cloudy that I couldn’t even think or process my thoughts. So, I had to stop and think about whether this was fair to put my family through all this again.
Please believe me when I say, this decision was not an easy one nor did I treat it as such. To never hear your voices again, be a part of a family, enjoy all the holidays, see others in our family get married and have children brought me to question was I doing the right thing? Would I ever be forgiven for my action?
I know that I caused a lot of worry, anguish, sadness, and caused a great deal of heartache. If I could take any of my actions back I would. I hope you will remember all the times we did things together and the fun we had. I will never forget the smiles we had for one another. Some of those crazy things we did that kept us giggling and laughing endlessly.
However, I want you to know that I could never find peace and contentment in my earthly life. I could never say the many things I wanted and felt that I let you down so many times even though you told me that it wasn’t so.
So, I made the decision to go. Do not cry and be sad that I have left. Please remember all the wonderful things we did and the joy we had in one another. I am at peace and have found contentment. When you see a bird, feel the sunshine on your skin, hear the wind rustling through the trees, read a book, listen to music, and enjoy life remember that I am doing that too. I am just not where you are. You can serve me well by being kind to each other and loving unconditionally. I am a better person for having you in my life. May you feel the same way about me.
As I say goodbye to you now, please enjoy life and all it has to offer. I can see you, I can feel you, and I will always love you.
Sunday, January 22, 2017
A New Year and New Changes
Happy 2017 to everyone!! Whether you are a Democrate, Republican, on no party person at all, we know there will be change! As we are well aware, change is hard and often times difficult!
Since losing your loved one many changes have taken place in you. Perhaps, you are more serious than you were before. Maybe laughter does not come as easy as it did. Your diet may have changed and you are eating things that may not be good for you or not eating at all. You may have a hard time saying goodby to people you love, for you have that constant worry you may never see them again. Feeling this way is normal and you are forever changed. Change is not all bad and maybe you were quite happy the way things were before. However, change has made it way in your life and that is a hard fact for some.
When I think back to whom I was before the death of our son, I don't recognize that person any more. I took too many things for granted. It's almost like I felt entitled to things. I didn't take my family and friends as serious as I do now. I am much more appreciative of the things people do for me and in turn want to give back.
Religion was something I turned away from. I thought how could there be a God if he let our son take his own life. Since time has its own way of allowing us to understand or at least know there are somethings we may never understand I have returned to my faith. I will never understand why babies die or children get horrible diseases but they do. Another thing I have always questioned is why some suffer with illnesses for a long time. There must be a reason even if it is unknown to me.
We will never know why our loved one choose to take his or her life. It has changed you and every relationship you have or had. Unfortunately, we cannot turn the hands of time back but move forward. Granted it's not easy...but things aren't.
I wish you a good year and hope that you find some peace in knowing your loved one has found his or hers. We only get one chance at life and I hope you will make it a good one. Yes, you can grieve, you can scream, say things you don't really mean, be hateful to others, but at the end of the day when the sky has turned dark your being doesn't have to be dark too.
It's not easy to look forward to a new day and I hope that time, love. and patience will show you the way.
Monday, July 25, 2016
The days are longer, the kids are out of school, baseball is in season, lemonade stands are in the neighborhoods, and families are enjoying what summer brings. This has been a summer of violence in many countries including ours. The violence pinpoints people of color and many others who are killed by extremist religious groups.
This summer has political views all over the news. Never before has their been so much political slander on candidates. I am sure this will continue until our next President is elected and who knows even beyond that. Our country is in a bad state of affairs. If you have recently lost a loved one by suicide perhaps the news isn't anything you care about and I can understand that. Just getting up and getting through the day is hard enough. For some, it has been awhile since your loved one's death and you are aware of the issues facing our nation.
When a loved one dies by suicide, we are often times wanting to point a finger at someone or something that caused their death. Perhaps, even the word suicide is hard to handle. Thinking that someone killed your loved one is easier than knowing he or she died at their own hand. They were their own judge and jury and condemned themselves to death. They didn't need political activists to end their life. They fought their own battles and lost.
As a survivor you have a responsibility to your loved one as well as yourself. Do not condemn yourself to a life of bitterness and aloneness. People need each other and you will find that your life does have meaning. Perhaps, a different meaning than before and you may have to look for it. Don't just exist but make your time on earth mean something. Do something to help others. Volunteer your time in some way. I certainly can't tell you what to volunteer for but I can tell you volunteering has helped me. I realize that there are a great many people who cannot even leave their homes and to have someone come in and just read to them is a real treat. Working at a food bank and sorting items can be helpful. Volunteering time at your religious organization is another way of helping. There are so many organizations in need of volunteers and would welcome your presence. It does't matter whether you give a day, a week, a month, or longer. What matters most is that you have taken the first step to reach out to someone else.
With the state of our country, it is necessary we help each other. There is always someone who is much worse off than you. Why not give this a try? I just bet you will feel better.