Saturday, May 7, 2011

Spring and Honoring You

     Did you know that more suicides occur in the spring than any other season?  Most people guess that it is winter.  Although there are no concrete facts as to why spring rather than winter, one might spectulate that with the coming of spring and the promise of new life and new hopes life can offer new optimism. Unfortunately, not so much  for those feeling  helpless and hopeless.
      I  received in the mail today The Compassionate Friends Newsletter and would like to share a writing from Connie F. Kiefer Byrd, TCF, Tyler Texas. It is called .....
      To Honor You
To honor you, I get up every day and take a breath, and start another day without you in it.
To honor you, I laugh and love with those who knew your smile and the way your eyes twinkled with mischief and secret knowledge.
To honor you, I listen to music you would have liked, and sing at the top of my lungs, with the windows rolled down.
To honor you, I take chances, say what I feel, hold nothing back, risk making a fool of myself, dance every dance.
You were my light, my heart, my gift of love from the very hightest source.
So every day I vow to make a difference, share a smile, live, laugh and love.
Now I live for us both, so all I do, I do to honor you.

And for me it's ....
 by remembering you as the unique person you were,
 by growing closer to your dad,
 by loving and appreciating your sisters and brother,
 by watching your nieces and nephews change and grow,
 by the relationships we maintained and the promise of new ones yet to come,
 by the opportunity to grow from this devastating loss,
 by the ability to feel hope,
 by learning what is really important,
 by forgiving myself and letting go of guilt,
 by feeling optimistic once again,
 by making a difference for others,
 by focusing on your life's accomplishments not your death,
 by finding my life's purpose and spirituality,
 by knowing I am the person responsible for my own grief recovery,
 by forever knowing you will be a part of us forever.

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Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Hallmark Holiday-Mother's Day

     I love Hallmark, I love cards, and I love the beautiful verses. What I have always had a hard time with is finding just the right sentiment.  It doesn't have to be a defined, set holiday to let someone know he or she is special.  Finding my own Mother just the right saying was difficult because our relationship was so strained.  I couldn't go with the sugar and spice because my mother truly wasn't so nice. So, I resorted to the card with a humorous twist. My mother died in 1983, followed by my dad in 1993 and our son in 2003.  You can see why digits ending in three cause unrest in me. 
    As our own children got older and moved out of state, Mother's Day was not that sweet, warm, fuzzy Hallmark commercial.  The day was complete though when I heard from all my chicks. For many of us who have experienced a loss of a child it is one less card, one less call, and once again a jolt of reality that our life has taken on a new normal.  That new normal though doesn't have to be bad and it doesn't have to make us mad or sad. We just need to be grateful for the memorable times we had.
    Instead of mourning for the loss I want to embrace those who surround me with a sense of love and care.  Making a plan for your day will help lessen your  pain and loss. Playing in the garden, weather permitting, always makes me feel better.  Be good to you, do something fun, reach out to someone else. Most of all remember that we have no control over anyone but our own selves.  Choose to make this Mother's Day about enjoying the wonderment and beauty of life
Our loved ones planted their garden with fear, pain, and anger.  We can do the same if we choose, but then the result is the same as theirs.  I  hope you want a prettier, healthier garden.  I will plant strength and courage; fertilize it with love, and share its beauty with others who need it.  Won't  you join me?