Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Hallmark Holiday-Mother's Day

     I love Hallmark, I love cards, and I love the beautiful verses. What I have always had a hard time with is finding just the right sentiment.  It doesn't have to be a defined, set holiday to let someone know he or she is special.  Finding my own Mother just the right saying was difficult because our relationship was so strained.  I couldn't go with the sugar and spice because my mother truly wasn't so nice. So, I resorted to the card with a humorous twist. My mother died in 1983, followed by my dad in 1993 and our son in 2003.  You can see why digits ending in three cause unrest in me. 
    As our own children got older and moved out of state, Mother's Day was not that sweet, warm, fuzzy Hallmark commercial.  The day was complete though when I heard from all my chicks. For many of us who have experienced a loss of a child it is one less card, one less call, and once again a jolt of reality that our life has taken on a new normal.  That new normal though doesn't have to be bad and it doesn't have to make us mad or sad. We just need to be grateful for the memorable times we had.
    Instead of mourning for the loss I want to embrace those who surround me with a sense of love and care.  Making a plan for your day will help lessen your  pain and loss. Playing in the garden, weather permitting, always makes me feel better.  Be good to you, do something fun, reach out to someone else. Most of all remember that we have no control over anyone but our own selves.  Choose to make this Mother's Day about enjoying the wonderment and beauty of life
Our loved ones planted their garden with fear, pain, and anger.  We can do the same if we choose, but then the result is the same as theirs.  I  hope you want a prettier, healthier garden.  I will plant strength and courage; fertilize it with love, and share its beauty with others who need it.  Won't  you join me?


  1. I lost my mother to a stroke in May of 1995, and then lost my son in August of 1995. All holidays that first year were hard, but Mothers Day was the worst. There are still holidays I would rather skip!

  2. Another great blog Bon. Great job

  3. Haley PomorantzMay 5, 2011 at 8:33 AM

    How can I ever express what an amazing woman, Bonnie Swade is. She has opened her heart and lives to so many people that didn't know what to expect the first time they met her. She is the warmest person, with the biggest heart. She promises to help others as she learned through her own loss how to make what was "normal" into a new normal. I feel as though I am the luckiest girl in the world, to call her my own Mom!! Mom-you have made me a better person, a better mom, and a better friend just through example. I am forever grateful that you are my very own mommy!!! I love you, always!

  4. Each of us has a different set of life's experiences, set of death's experiences to attempt to manage. So many cliches written about what we can do to embrace what we should be grateful for is very much the message so often put out there and of course who can ever argue with "embrace those who surround me with love and care" especially if you are fortunate to have "chicks" who continue to remind you of the most important job you have still to this day. I write this on behalf of all of those of us who are not as fortunate as those who struggle to keep our emotions in check each and every day while remind ourselves that in spite of no cards, no calls, no connections to even the ones who send out the positive cliches; we too can receive a simple gesture of love from an unexpected, kind-hearted human being who truly understands what it means to be work through the heartache while our hearts go unnourished. There is no greater loneliness than to suffer this fate without a loved one close by. The stigma of being in a subgroup within this already stigmatized loss only gets worse the lower the rung on the ladder you go.